Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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