At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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