found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
