my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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