Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
