I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
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