All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
