if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
