currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How does one acquire holy water?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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