Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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