I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have post one night stand depression
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
