a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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