I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
