I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
