with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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