They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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