i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
