Sorry, I don't speak sober.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
