the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
oh god the rape fog is back!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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