Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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