don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
