Can Purell be used as lube?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize