If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
