Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
