sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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