I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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