once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
