i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
