His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
