Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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