this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
