im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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