You smell like stripper and shame
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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