Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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