I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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