never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
