Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
