meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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