I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
