just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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