Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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