I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize