I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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