How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
