I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Pooping to opera.
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