I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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