so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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