Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize