Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
foreskin is a definite game changer
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
