he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
