Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
