Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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