I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
