I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
