How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
