how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
