Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
