I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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