I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize