hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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