Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
