My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
