Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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