so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
