my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
