He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
