hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
