So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
false alarm, still single
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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