Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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