so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
