I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
