yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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