Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
