I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
