Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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