I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
