So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize