u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ugly people sure do ruin things
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
