I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Mom said you looked used
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
