:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
