I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
