I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
