i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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