Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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