Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
