i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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