is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
