I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
