no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
