Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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